Test of Love - QiaoKeLi

Title: Test of Love
Author: QiaoKeLi
Url: www.winglin.net/fanfic/cremecaramel
Reviewer: Lovie@ambiguousabyss.blogspot.com

Disclaimer: Warning. Harsh review ahead. But, no insults or disparaging comments to author is intended.

Title: 5/10

One look at it tells me that this is going to be quite a typical story on the two protagonists overcoming many obstacles in their love life, as suggested by the word ‘test’.

This is definitely not interesting enough to be able to capture the readers’ attention and make them click on your fanfiction. It will just blend in with the others.

Forewords: 2/10

As compared to the two-liner summary you gave in your forewords, why don’t you use the poem as a prologue instead? At least it sounds sweet. As for the summary in your forewords, you’re literally summarizing the story. You gave away the story, which is a big NO-NO.

If you don’t want to include the poem in your story, you may also choose to extract an excerpt from your story, preferably from the climax. This would be sustain your readers’ interest in reading on.

Poster & Background: 10/10

Yes, this poster is lovely. It does portrays Chun and Ella as a very sweet couple.

Characters: 3/5

This pairing is a little overly-used. You may want to try others in future.

Creativity & Originality: 12/20

Without me telling you, you should be aware that a third party trying to interrupt their relationship is quite cliché. However, I do like the idea of Ella getting pregnant. I have not read much on that. Also, I’m surprised by how frank they are. But, you will need to take note of how realistic of your story is. In reality, I don’t think stars can survive in media industry once they are married and have children. Usually, they have to give up either one.

Story plotting & Organisation: 8/15

Good attempts on trying to leave a cliffhanger at the end of each chapter. Please keep it going.
As for the flow of your story, it is long and draggy despite the fact that it is quite consistent. I would suggest that you speed things up and delete the superfluous parts.


Language: 8/20

I can see your efforts in trying to write in full sentences, not in script-form. Good attempt.

However, you will still need to brush up on your language. Start with your foundation. I spotted numerous grammar and spelling mistakes, for example “was already done” In fact, this kind of mistakes can be avoided if you check each chapter with your document software.

The most serious problem with your fanfiction is your expression, for example "Because, I want to surprise her." It should be “Because I want to give her a little surprise.”
Also, “Ella saw Mei Lin laughing secretly.” can be rewritten as “Ella saw Mei Lin trying to hide a chuckle.” If this problem is not corrected, it can be deadly.

Enjoyment: 6/10

This is a sweet story. however, it’s too naggy. You will need to learn to cut on the superfluous parts.

Bonus: 5/5

Don’t give up! Like what your friend has said, you should continue. It’s okay to make mistakes, but don’t ever forget that you should learn from your mistakes. I’m sure all the readers out there will still support you. Request for a review again when you’re ready!(:

Total: 58/100