Too Nice - ILEE

Title: Too nice
Url: www.winglin.net/fanfic/TooNice
Author: ILEE
Reviewer: miss lovie @ ambiguousabyss.blogspot.com

DISCLAIMER: Review given by the reviewer might be harsh, but no insults or disparaging comments intended.

Title: 5/10

This title is way too neutral and emotionless. This is a big NO-NO. It reflects nothing, and obviously, you can’t expect too much a reaction from your readers. Though it fits your story NICELY but it’s just plain boring.

Forewords: 5/10

You barely passed this criterion because your prologue didn’t quite interest me. The plot was okay but the problem lies in the paragraphing.

Sample:

Not very many students adore and absolutely LOVE math.

And if they don't like math as much, they wouldn't like the person who is teaching it as much either, right?

But what happens if that teacher just one day disappears just like that and a new teacher comes in as a substitute? What if the substitute is the exact opposite of the real math teacher?

Poster & Background: 8.5/10

This poster is so cool! All the mathematical symbols just excite me! And, yes, I love the way the title is written, like being scrawled on the whiteboard with a chalk. But, do request for a background too! It would have made the webpage prettier.

Characters: 0/5

Almost negligible characterisation can be seen. Okay I can empathize with you that your story is a one-shot, too short to really fully develop a character, but you could have focused only on one character, instead of so many. This would probably help you.

Creativity & Originality: 10/20

I wouldn’t deny your creativity in this one-shot because this is definitely different from the other stories, however your plot is little too plain as well. You could have included different ideas, perhaps flashbacks of your teacher teaching maths, to further develop your plot.

Story plotting & Organisation: 9/15

The pace of your one-shot is too fast. You could have used the change of scenes to lengthen the timeframe so that it doesn’t seem as though you’re rushing everything. Moreover, all your paragraphs are squashed together, making the read a tedious one.
And, you can focus on the descriptions of thoughts and feelings to further bring out the children’s longing for their teacher’s return. In addition, do cut down the superfluous parts. To be frank, I skipped most of the parts which I thought them to be boring and useless.

Language: 12/20

Good, I didn’t spot any mistakes, however I thought that you could have come up with more creative descriptions for this one-shot. They could have been a bonus to your one-shot.

Enjoyment: 2/10

To be frank, I wasn’t enjoying a single bit, or perhaps just the last sentence. It kind of caught my eyes and cracked me up. But, other than that, due to the confusing paragraphing, I found it an absolute chore to read your one-shot, not to say enjoy it.

Bonus: 5/5

Good luck and all the best to your future fictions!(:

Total: 56.5/100