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Log inSecret Santa : A Very Late Christmas Present - Xfactor
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Secret Santa : A Very Late Christmas Present - Xfactor
miss lovie Fri Jan 16, 2009 8:50 pm
Title: Secret Santa : A Very Late Christmas Present
Url: www.winglin.net/fanfic/ixie1504
Author: Xfactor
Reviewer: miss lovie@ambiguousabyss.darkbb.com
DISCLAIMER: Review given by the reviewer might be harsh, but no insults or disparaging comments intended.
Title: 7/10
I admit that this title caught my attention when I first clicked on your request. Wells, it emits an aura of mysteriousness because it sets me thinking - what the present would be. However, I thought that it could have been shorter, which means just “Secret Santa”.
Forewords: 7/10
Oh yes, this is definitely interesting. The phrase “knocks his socks off” excite me because I will definitely be looking forward to the surprise she has for the Santa. Good work on keeping the suspense, though I thought that it would be better if you could elongate the prologue.
Poster & Background: -/10
Not applicable. But, it would definitely be better if you have one.
Characters: 3.5/5
The characterisation isn’t strong enough. All I could get was from the dialogues, which I thought them to be inadequate.
Creativity & Originality: 14/20
I love this plot. This is indeed a refreshing plot, to me, because I thought that the game was an interesting one. At first I thought that Chun was going to be a Santa, little did I know it was a game. Of course, it was sort of predictable that Ella was going to be Chun’s Secret Santa and that she’s ‘giving’ her baby as the present, but I still like it. It was really sweet.
Story plotting & Organisation: 10/15
This one-shot is well-paced and consistent. Good job!
And, I like the way you foreshadow the ending with their quarrel so that the ending would not come as an abrupt ending.
Language: 14/20
I thought that you could further enhance the mood of the story and characterisation of the protagonists with intricate details and descriptions, given your wide range of vocabulary.
Good job on the (almost) flawless work, with regards to spelling and grammar mistakes.
Enjoyment: 7/10
Lovely one-shot. Aaron’s goofy sense of humour tickled me and made me smile. (: What’s more, Jiro was really cute here too. And, I thought that the pregnancy was really sweet because I could half-imagine them with their adorable baby in their arms.
Bonus: 5/5
Looking forward to more one-shots!
Total: 67.5/90 = 75/100
Url: www.winglin.net/fanfic/ixie1504
Author: Xfactor
Reviewer: miss lovie@ambiguousabyss.darkbb.com
DISCLAIMER: Review given by the reviewer might be harsh, but no insults or disparaging comments intended.
Title: 7/10
I admit that this title caught my attention when I first clicked on your request. Wells, it emits an aura of mysteriousness because it sets me thinking - what the present would be. However, I thought that it could have been shorter, which means just “Secret Santa”.
Forewords: 7/10
Oh yes, this is definitely interesting. The phrase “knocks his socks off” excite me because I will definitely be looking forward to the surprise she has for the Santa. Good work on keeping the suspense, though I thought that it would be better if you could elongate the prologue.
Poster & Background: -/10
Not applicable. But, it would definitely be better if you have one.
Characters: 3.5/5
The characterisation isn’t strong enough. All I could get was from the dialogues, which I thought them to be inadequate.
Creativity & Originality: 14/20
I love this plot. This is indeed a refreshing plot, to me, because I thought that the game was an interesting one. At first I thought that Chun was going to be a Santa, little did I know it was a game. Of course, it was sort of predictable that Ella was going to be Chun’s Secret Santa and that she’s ‘giving’ her baby as the present, but I still like it. It was really sweet.
Story plotting & Organisation: 10/15
This one-shot is well-paced and consistent. Good job!
And, I like the way you foreshadow the ending with their quarrel so that the ending would not come as an abrupt ending.
Language: 14/20
I thought that you could further enhance the mood of the story and characterisation of the protagonists with intricate details and descriptions, given your wide range of vocabulary.
Good job on the (almost) flawless work, with regards to spelling and grammar mistakes.
Enjoyment: 7/10
Lovely one-shot. Aaron’s goofy sense of humour tickled me and made me smile. (: What’s more, Jiro was really cute here too. And, I thought that the pregnancy was really sweet because I could half-imagine them with their adorable baby in their arms.
Bonus: 5/5
Looking forward to more one-shots!
Total: 67.5/90 = 75/100
miss lovie- Admin
- Posts : 83
Join date : 2008-11-26 -
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