Happily ever after?! - Rina

Title: Happily ever after?!
Url: www.winglin.net/fanfic/bean00
Reviewed by: Miss Lovie @ Ambiguous Abyss

Title: 3.5/10

You should know why you failed this criterion.

Failed to interest me. This works the same way as when any other person is scrolling down the website. Your title would not be that appealing.

Forewords: 1/10

I was looking through the chapters and could not find the forewords. I suppose chapter 3 is the forewords…?

1 mark for character introduction.

But that’s definitely not enough. I would suggest that you include a prologue to interest your readers to read on.

Poster & Background: 7/10

I would suggest that you include some quotes on your poster. That would interest your readers. Also, the mood of your poster doesn’t really suit your story too.

And, please change your font. It clashes with your background, which makes it hard for the readers to read.

Characters: 5/5

My beloved band. Interesting.

Creativity & Originality: 8/20

No creativity here. Certain scenes are quite cliché. All the scenes are basically narrating their stories, and not linked together.

Ways to brainstorm:
1) Read widely to widen your general knowledge.
2) Start with an idea which is simple. Beauty lies in simplicity.
3) Have a controlling idea. Branch out ideas from there.

Story plotting & Organisation: 6/15

The plot is very confusing due to the change of point of views. Also, the complexity of relationships between characters has worsened the confusion.

The flow of story is very inconsistent too, due to the inclusion of phrases like “FLASHBACK” and “FLASHBACK ENDED”. This irked me. Flashbacks are supposed to be included in the story with the use of language and bridges like “I remember how he used to…” If not, the inclusion of such phrases is impeding with the flow of the story because it seems as though scenes were cut off abruptly.

Also, please include small climaxes at the end of each chapter. If not, readers will not be kept in suspense and may not want to continue to read on.

Language: 8/20

The absence of full-stops has caused your story to run on and on, without a single second of respite. And, it is very irritating to see lengthy paragraphs with so many dialogues in it! I could not make out whose dialogue is that, and this turns me off. Sad to say, there isn’t a single complete sentence. I really could not pass you for this criterion.

Moreover, there are many spelling and grammatical errors. These are too much to be pardoned. Correct them before posting up each chapter.

Last but not least, a wider range of vocabulary should be used.

*Vulgarities should be avoided. They might cause discomfort to the readers.

Enjoyment: 2/10

This is definitely not enjoyable. The poorly used language is annoying. Moreover, the plot is confusing.

Bonus: 5/5

Good luck and all the best.

Total: 45.5/100